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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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	2008.06.27 20.00 New LJ, username- newyorkpavement: add me



	2008.03.10 19.26 I'm stopping this Journal. I'm creating a new one simply because I feel like this one has had a good run, and I've just grown outa it. If anyone even reads this: another one is on the way! So ill see you then guys, hope you enjoyed the last 3 years!



	2008.03.05 22.34 I'm gonna do what I'm gotta do. I won't forget you. I don't known if this is love or what... But its time to move forward. With or without you. I keep trying to tell myself you're not the first, and you won't be the last. I just hope I'm right in that; I'd hate to wake up 40 yrs from now and regret. Who knows. I love who you are and can only ever wish you the absolute best. Seeing you the other night was comforting, I can't believe we ended up just chuckling like old times at the end of 3 hours. Well whatever, I learned so much with you. Oh happy day! Its incredible that I can do a post to this thing while driving stick on my blckbry right?! =) I just spent no joke 7 hours in the library doing a fcking ridic paper and I'm about done. I might just hit the sheets idk. Gnite!!!



	2008.02.29 16.12 so that's it ........ good bye.



	2008.02.28 00.22 i have been so fucking busy as of late. let me refresh who ever might read this, i'm currently finishing up an application to NYU, and applying to study abroad this summer in London. So much work, i can't even begin to tell you how hectic it's been, I've had so many huge papers due in the graduate level [smart choice,NOT] courses i'm taking, and i don't know how i still get to work and school each day. i'm so swamped with work, if this works out- i'll be finishing this semester at Brockport, and moving out of my apartment, and then within 12 days getting on a jet to go overseas. Upon returning, if I get accepted to NYU, i'll be starting classes within that same week. Wow. I don't even know if this is the right game plan, but it feels right. I'm anxious to see if it happens, it would be the next step- i've really gave everything i could a try here. I moved into a small apartment downtown all alone when i was 18. Not because i had to, i wanted to. I work full time at VZW and go to school full time. i'm pursuing a double major- international affairs and independent journalism. i've pushed myself, and i'm ready for another challenge, this time academic. I miss nate. i miss days of naivety and carelessness. i remember when we'd get dropped off and roam downtown aimlessly, just to feel like we were in a city. Like we were part of a larger picture, as abstract as that may have been. Remember those hot summer nights that we'd just stay up and talk and talk and talk? gossip and all. When you'd sketch me some type of inspirational fragment of your imagination, and leave it on my high school desk... and crystal clear Skaneateles, sprawling out like cats in the summer sun? When ambition was endless, possibility had no limit. Junior Year. Senior Year. So often i reminisce on those years. i miss the backbone you created. and you. You, you, you. The person i have a one way conversation with on long car rides. You'd call me crazy if you could hear me, makes me laugh to myself actually. See, when you live alone, you start to talk to yourself more. While i definitely do that, I also talk to you sometimes. Maybe i'm crazy. Maybe that's it. I have some kind of psychiatric problem where i can't let you out of my life. My brain still references you immediately in relation to memorable things. The most ridiculous...[regoddamndiculous] shit resurfaces you and your goddamn stubborn influence on my life. Pizza sauce with chunky sauce. Diet grape soda. Dance parties in cars. The beatles, or rather any kind of chill tune. Tattoos, piercings. tylonel. Winter nights especially. Hilton in general. Art. freckles. a full laugh. I talk about you like you're dead. That's really weird. Like i'm some widow that lost you by a tragedy. Not. I don't know why my mind won't relent. I'm living a VERY full life, with awesome new people and jampacked new adventures, i'm not desperate, nor am i dependent on you. This is not one of those scenarios, i don't want to be in a relationship with you again, i don't know what i want. i think just to know you're not just some fragment of my imagination. It's pathetic that i worry about getting spammed on myspace and losing all your messages, because they're proof that you were really here once. There's nothing else, except for reminders from Danny "i miss the old days." And for whatever reason, the way you spoke to me on the phone several months ago, i didn't correlate that with Seth. That was some miserable asshole, who was speaking to satisfy a third party. I want to see you in person, look you in the eyes, and see you act like that. That would be closure. i wanted to share what's happening in my life, you would have been so excited for me, i wanted to show you i could do it. Show you how far i've come. This is such a tired topic, don't you think? Close the door for me. Just call me if you read this. i'm not some sappy freak. I just miss you as a dude. a person. It hurts me that i didn't earn a place of more permanence in your life. Try to see past our differences. I hear what you say to others about who i am, and as much as those words sting, I continue to hold you in the highest esteem. It's easier to hate someone than, well, the unspeakable alternative. and i understand that. Anyway, I hear you're doing ok, and that's good. Live well nigger. i have 2.5 more pages to write on this paper. and i'm just gonna get up early and do it. so i have GOT to go to beddddddd. Night dolls.



	2008.02.20 08.36 last night i drove to hilton to sit in the church parking lot alone and think of you. when will this stop. you fucking haunt me. and my life.



	2008.02.17 10.32 random thoughts. the weather totally sucks today. i'm sitting at the cafe, and have been for a little over an hour. bored. it's nasty out. i need some kind of boost. last night i owned at pong. pretty much the first time in my life. it's raining and like 36 degrees. the sky is a yuck smogg gray. i need a four leaf clover. it's almost st. patty another valentine's day come and gone. been celebrating this corporate holiday single now 4 years strong. hellllllllll yea. god how time flies. i love the girls in my life lately, those i've known, and those i'm meeting for the first time. Christie, you're a downasschillbitch and i love the hell out of your face. Thanks for introducing me to such sweet people lately, like Jessie n Lindsey n Jensen and Gerri. Times, they are good. i need to get my grades up. i joined a gym. i have such a short attention span and it's depressing me. i love gauges. i love tattoos. i miss having sex. that's all bye.



	2008.02.15 09.32 alas... i sincerely feel the need to say something about this. I've never been one to get attached to bands, but music is so precious to me, and i need to just flip about real quick on how the Format just recently broke up. I cried. That's so pathetic. I actually cried. Being involved with people who've been in a band- i know it can be challenging to keep going when there's a bump in the road. But i've honestly got to say- I've never heard a song from the Format that was less then award deserving. What you guys came up with was simply magical. i fell in love to the sounds of your music. I kid you not. He introduced me to you, and i swear, that mixtrack cd must have been played 500 x's plus. you're music never got old. never got played out. You wrote logical, metaphorical lyrics, that had the ability to touch every single person, if they gave you guys the chance. To this day, i'm attached to something within your music, and had been anticipating seeing you guys succeed... you're one of those bands that deserved to make it big, and i hardly ever say that. i don't think that you would EVER become sell-outs. This is so awful. I'm sure there's reasons behind what's going on, but i BEG you to get the fuck back together, and be inspired by whatever caused this, because you improve the world with your music. you really fucking do, and did. haha the other night- i had this dream that i came across a treasure chest, with about 30 singles that you hadn't yet released, and i wrote to you. ahgggg =( it was amazing while it lasted. you knew how to make REAL, PURE, SOUL, GOOD music. i love you format. Mood: melancholy



	2008.02.04 10.45 i'm going to talk about things i love. i've been so goddamn pessimistic and it's time to fuckin hightail my way out of negativity. i love christie. knowing that she exists really brings me a sense of hope, and aspiration for the future. i love that when i crashed on dad's couch saturday night at 4am, he came downstairs after i fell asleep, covered me with a blanket and put a pillow underneath my head. then made me my favorite breakfast. and just sat with me and talked. i love that my nanie still does my laundry. being in her house is so calming, and she's honestly my best friend. i love puppies!!!!! i love snuggling with my neighbors dogs, he's got 3 and they are so hyper and full of love for everything around them. i seriously need one. i love that i have friends that believe in me. without them i'd be nothing. i love that i can wake up Nate at 3am, and he still listens to me cry about the same old topic... and is still supportive. i love that there's so much music out there that i have yet to discover. music is so fucking empowering. i wish i could play. i want to take up piano lessons again, but i haven't the time nor the resources. =( i love the way i've grown in the past year. it's a tough journey, but i'm starting to realize the reason things happen, and in order for me to love you still, i'd have to want to be who i was 2 years ago. and that's simply impossible. i love how in tune i am with what everyone's thinking. it seems lately i can read minds, which is strange- sometimes disappointing, but overall for the better, it saves time and effort. i love that i'm bad news for boys. i love that i can't help it. i figure it'll take the right person to break me of my ways. i love that i was once really in love. it gives me something to look forward to in the future, i'm confident i'll find it again. i love that i'm skipping international political science to write this. i love life. all the tribulations and letdowns, accomplishments and little joys. it's made me who i am, and will continue to shape me.



	2008.01.31 21.52 I've decided I live well. Like I'm really fucking good at living my life to the absolute fullest, and that is a happy knowledge. It hasn't always been easy to make the decisions it took to keep moving forward... But its moments like these that make it worth all the while. Someday you'll wake up and realize. Eat my dust.



	2008.01.29 22.26 i love music and 40 degree january weather. i promise never to judge you ever again. why did i ever want to change you? i have done something so awful. so so so so disgustingly vile. god. sometimes i hate my recklessness. it shouldn't matter, but somehow it does. i think i do things to make my life more interesting, even if it be for the worse. i am the most complex idiot i've ever come across. and it's not something i'm proud of. i think it gave me thrills to wind you up. and it was always at your expense, not mine. shitty of me. go figure. i don't feel sorry for myself. i don't know why i do the things i do. i'm a crazy bitch. and the scary thing is- you loved me for the way i was. i know that i should forget, but i can't. on a sidenote- it's going to be a late night. JER's coming over, with Nathan and Alex and we're going to drink martinis in my little apt and then i'm going to read 100 pgs. and then take a hott shower. oh jeez. i love love love life, don't you? sigh. Mood: happy



	2008.01.28 22.13 it's been so long since i've wrote- mainly because some douchebag i was stealing internet from finally caught on and added a pw... and thusfar i've been completely unsuccessful in trying to crack it. anyway. first day of classes today- slept right through my alarm and my first class. great start to the semester i know. i need to wash my car. i love my k2 board. i love snowboarding. i love just flying over a tabletop in the air, and adrenaline. that's all. i promise to update later.



	2008.01.14 11.04 i want to be home so i can go and attempt to do things like this:



	2008.01.11 22.05 let's say we let's say we get out of here, just get in the car and drive for 5 days straight, and collect a treasure from the side of the road each day, and scrapbook the trip. i miss you sean bullock face. you're the only person i can think of at the moment to do a serious roadtrip with and have a bombass time. blaring good fuckin tunes, and taking gay pictures all day every day. I MISS MY ABU, MY GOLDEN RETRIEVER =( sniff. i was thinking today- like what would be your absolute FAVORITE era to live in? for me- it would have to be like 1925-1950. it was so glamorous. Back when the local newspaper was verbose, and people used proper grammar. agh. The classiest styles were all the rage, men still wore double breasted suits, and there wasn't nearly as much horseshit in society as there is now. people still read the newspaper every morning, and architecture was BREATHTAKING. hm. interesting. my Nan asked me if i wanted to go to Europe this summer, i'm ecstatic! trying not to get my hopes up however- i mean that's a pretty big deal. i think i've started to get my hopes too high about NYU. i just feel so passionate about it though, and when i write about the things i love, god it just seeps from my heart. There's one long term goal i'm absolutely insistent upon. i hope to get at least a few people to genuinely care about the world. not environment or anything like that- but more so history, give a shit about Rwanda, and Pakistan... Bosnia and refugee issues that are going on. To have a better understanding of the world, and in turn be less prejudice, and finally- to have in mind the better interest of the world, not just oneself. WOO! i get so pumped just thinking about living in New York, waking up every morning to noisy streets and a good paper, with a quick jog in central park =) ahhhh. and a nice subway ride at the end of the day. OH how i'd adore that. i'd feel complete. i'm curious as to how that would work- i'd still have to work- but i'd be working part time at a verizon wireless corporate store. That also means i'd have to saveeee money bad. Let's see... what else has been on my mind today. AH! a weimaraner dog! i want one!!! they're those rather large grey dogs with blue eyes? if anyone happens to be familiar with sesame st... they're the ones that used to dress up like people with human arms? weirrrddd if you don't know what i'm talking about... they looked like this i want to get a little girl puppy. and i'm going to name her madeline. after my favorite doll when i was a kid. she'll get a nickname of maddie. anyway. i think that's all for tonight. i'm pretty beat. goodnight my darlings!



	2008.01.09 21.13 i just watched Madame Butterfly, it's an italian opera, and it is the saddest thing i've ever seen! ohhhh my goodness NEVER again! such a beautifully done piece of art, yet so depressing. SOOOO folks, today it was just sunny as anything, and i just laid arouund watching independent films and history documentaries with my great aunts and Nan. They're so amazing, i'm not kidding you. They're like some serious kickass golden girls, who are dripping in gucci and chanel, hermes and Louie. They're cultured, smart, and opinionated. God i love them. The Run down: Great-Aunt Claire, sister of my Nan Helen, who was involved in the creation of the Maglight, has met and ate dinner with presidents, and adopted Saod, a Bosnian child, blinded during the war about 15 years ago. She has these wonderful idiosyncrasies that i absolutely adore, such as the fact that there are 3 papers delivered here in the AM, including Wall Street Journal, NYTimes, and some local thing. She reads them front to back every morning, and reads to us over coffee, sitting in her sunroom/poolroom. She can call out any designer piece of clothing by just looking at it. Great-Aunt Janet, sister of Claire and Helen, who teaches as a nursing professor in NYC, a bit neurotic, but i love that about her. She's got this lovely tiny voice, that much of a child, and is so dainty in everything she does. Nan, Helen. My Nanie, grandmother to anyone else. elegant and successful, she started without a degree at citibank, as a reconcilement clerk working the C shift. Within 15 years, she worked her way to VP of the company. My nan knows history like no one else i know. Aunt Claire and her remind me of one another so much of the time. So anyway, everyone thinks "oh my god, you're down there with your grandparent?" "that must be awfulll!" but really, in fact this is so delightful. so motivational and inspiring really, these woman are SO strong, and independent in EVERYTHING they do. =) oh happy day. I'm going to bedddd soon. bye kiddosss



	2008.01.08 23.00 purge. i'm going to vent again. and stop reading now if you don't want to hear it. very frankly, i don't write for an audience. i write for me. m sitting in my aunt's mansion right now, elegant and so refined. the stars are out. i've been working on my application essay all day. a Lie is a funny thing. Webster's Dictionary: Lie noun an intentionally false statement : Mungo felt a pang of shame at telling Alice a lie \| the whole thing is a pack of lies. • used with reference to a situation involving deception or founded on a mistaken impression : all their married life she had been living a lie. i mean, i tell lies all the time. white lies. what about the color white makes them acceptable, i always wondered? innocent lies. as if dressed in white this little deceitful fact becomes virgin and pure. I've come to the conclusion that I am addicted to the complex web of little white lies my life consisted of for the past 2 years. and now, i'm trying to fight that addiction, i'm in transition, and i think i'm lost in transition. I sometimes think that an invisible string embedded within my heart is attached somehow to yours. I then shake my head, if that were the truth, your heart would hurt as bad as mine from our detached state, those strings stressed and weather worn to their last thread. i close my eyes and hear "Clark Gable." Oh my god, i so long for proof of love. i think that would quench my thirst. just the satisfaction that you were real, the catch in my breath was true, that scribbled "Love was here. 2006, on my breast. The reassurance that someday, i'll feel that again.. with someone else. i can dress my lies in white, talking to myself, and say i like my life now, but damn Seth, i'd love it if you were here. I pause sometimes in my day-to-day life, and laugh to myself, thinking "God, he'd get a kick out of this." I'm not desperate for you, my once dear friend, try your best not to flatter yourself. i thought i knew you. Now i wish i hadn't. You won't even speak to me! Almost as if i'm not worthy, as if i'm some sort of bother... i chuckle in disbelief. close your eyes, and think back to those bitter cold nights, walking in snow, hand in hand with me. Talking. literally TALKING about something other than our future. we had conversation. Think back to those stormy car rides, singing good ass music together, late mornings laying in my bed, i used to watch you sleep, the sun dancing across your milkwhite skin. i didn't want to date you. do you remember that? my plans for New York- i had said i didn't want to hurt you, i was crying. in the back of that piece of shit car, and you just held my face and begged me for a shot. Ironic, here i am, broken in the aftermath. hahaha remember when we went to Java's and you got hit by that fucking TAHOE?! goddd i laugh now but shit I almost fainted in the moment. That car ride home was the first time you held my hand. You used to prank call my work. I recall those nights at Bristol, i think i took about 5 runs down the slope in total that year, i sat with you in the lodge the entire time just talking about life. sitting in your moms bedroom with you when you were sooo sick. and the parties in the parking garage? we were SO fucking stupid! but we had so much fun with ashley back then. Diner breakfasts, long walks in the rain. sex books in library? Or how about that time we went to the downtown market that morning? I remember when i first met you, i had no idea why, but you were relentlessly on my mind. I went on vacation after knowing you 2 weeks. you were ALL i thought about. wrote about. Me Vs. Maradona on your guitar. Your sweet sweet mom. I hope she's well.... i miss her laughter and hugs. the Say Anything poster i made for your locker. Your goddamn intoxicating deodorant. Our mini roadtrips to nowhere in particular. Lollipop farms for what? we got so lost. Honeoye lake? we got so lost. I remember one day i had no eyeliner, you stopped me after i got ready, looked into my eyes and said "you look beautiful like that." You walked a mile to my house to leave me a note and some green tea in my car for the next morning as a surprise. Your laugh can light up a room, i miss that. I loved you, or rather, the complex web of lies that we were. I've been replaced 10 times over. I can't settle with anyone since, for Seth, nobody has ever been able to touch my skin so soft and leave such a scar. My life's changed so, it would never work, don't you see? i just want to KNOW you. i want to be a part of your life, and you a part of mine, regardless of what we may have done or shared together. a year ago i let you walk away. why? in fear of my future, in uncertainty of what exactly it was i wanted, or was searching for. Babe, if i could have kept it together, don't you think i would have tried? breathing fire and fighting would not have brought back what was then lost. i didn't want to ruin our potential more. i figured- let's both get a breather for awhile. when we're ready, this love will still be here, it cannot tarnish. Love always wins. ... oh the white lies i told myself. your distance, despite my efforts, shows you've got your mind made up i guess. memory, won't you let me get some sleep tonight? it's late now. i need to purge my life of you. i need to cover up all the evidence that you were once here, for it hurts so, that you have erased me out of thought, out of mind.



	2008.01.06 09.30 i went snowboarding friday for like 7 hours straight. Soo good. but ohh how my muscles hurt. my brother got me a GORGEOUS K2 board, and i can't get enough of it's flex and just ah, everything. it's uber warm out right now, we went from apprx 28 F to 55 F in the matter of a week, it sucks because i'm leaving for Florida tomorrow, and when i come back there will be NO snow to tear up. i need this vacation pretty badly. There's such a lugubrious sense about Rochester in the Jan-Feb months. I'm going to get tough on myself. I'm going to forget who I was. It's time to forget about the past and learn to love what I have. I'm falling in love with my ambition and dream. I love waking up to the list of things i need to do to keep myself busy. Really. And without a doubt, i'll soon be over this bump in the road and move forward full speed. I'm going to walk to Javas, grab some coffee, come back here and drive out to get my brother, and off we go to this unfortunate luncheon with my mom. oh well. someday i'll take 5 pages to write about my bitter animosity with that wreck of a woman. God i just despise forcing myself and Danny to go sit around a table and toss empty words of strangers across the table for 45 minutes. ew. HEY HEY i got my blackberry =) YESSSS (: Mood: accomplished



	2008.01.05 21.39 Fuck yes and i just got a $1000 annual raise nigs!  (: (: Mood: happy happy joy joy



	2008.01.03 12.54 it is absolutely imperative that i get out of here. i've been thinking so much lately, and i need a fresh start somewhere completely new. i've found that the only thing that satisfies me, makes me feel full and warm is moving forward. if i stay on one subject for too long, i dwell and do inflict a lethargic depression on myself. it's unavoidable. i need to get down to New York. it's so ridiculously cliche that i feel "home" there, but it's there that i can breathe, and there's a quickness to my step. i got caught up on other things in High School that prevented me from going. relationships, family issues... i need to leave that all behind me. THIS is what i want, THIS is the next step. Remember 'Beauty and the Beast,' and that huge library that the Beast gave to Bell? i was always entranced by that as a child. i feel as if New York is that library of opportunity. it's there that opportunities sit waiting for me to pursue them. i don't know why i want the things that i do. it's not about image,or materialism. i have this gut feeling that there's a bigger picture out there, larger than suburban living, 9-5 lifestyle, and 3 kids. that's great for some but it's just not where my heart is. i feel things 10 times stronger than most. destined for something more full-circle. i want to cause a reaction, or be a catalyst for change. i write in this LiveJournal to be more understood. i always felt out of the loop with friends in the past years, like i just didn't quite mesh with the scenery or my peers. it's not for anyone to judge or to be judged by. i've got to start an essay for NYU. and ideas? topics? it needs to leave an impression. and oh, i'm really curious if anyone even reads this? just click the comment button and leave an anonymous message if you do =)



	2008.01.02 21.34 I'm at work. I can't stand my job. Thats all for now. Bitchy ass people!



	2008.01.02 00.36 i feel sick. sick of heart, sick of mind. i hate my entirety for feeling like this. this is so ridiculous. GET OUT OF MY HEAD. GET THE FUCK OUT. i'm making more of a fool out of myself everyday. is it possible this was one big lie? is it possible this wasn't real? is this something i was tricked to believe? it twists my stomach to think like that. maybe i need closure. a conversation? i push it out of sight and out of mind, but the minute there's a trigger, FORGET about it. this becomes incorporated into everything from the weather, to music, to laughter. i've got a good thing going on. i'm building my future, but on the inside, my whole life is going up in flames. what is it about this, that i can't get past? there's no good sane reason for it. please please please, let me go. i wake up begging not to be reminded. this is twisted. this is sick. this is broken. this is hell, to live a blessed life like this. no limitations my ASS. maybe i'll hate this thing i speak of. it's harder to hate than to love, but it hurts less. you're either evil to have said those things and do another or you're godly to have the power to put that behind you. & Thing, do what you've got to do. just don't brashly brush me off. don't forget who i was to you. if even just for an instant.



	2007.12.31 01.34 kiss. so it's about 2008. my goodness. could that really be? where did the last two years go. what have i gained, what have i lost? That's far too complex a question for 2:30am. i saw Nate last night. it felt so good. i forgot what it was like when we were around one another. my dearest friend, oh, to what i owe you. it felt so good to be wrapped up in conversation with the people that i found myself with originally. i just took an hour long shower with candles. i savored every minute of it. exfoliating my skin and staring out of this little window i have in my shower, that i can look out over the city with. The snow downtown is more than it is on the lake... i've learned this since living here. i love it. it's so beautiful at night here, it can be pitch black 2am, and still twilight with all the lights reflecting the blanket of snow. Beauty in every inch. i've got such a long day ahead of me tomorrow. i'm getting up at 7:30, blow drying my hair, bundling up, and going for a run to meet Nate for breakfast near State street. Then walking back with some coffee, loading up all my laundry, and hauling it back to hilton to wash before snowboarding. Oh, gotta fix that registration on my car too. then inshallah, Canada by nightfall. I was on your porch last night, and the smoke it sank into my skin. and this is the way it's been, every since we've been kids, but now we've got something to prove. and i, i can see their eyes, but tell me something, can they see mine? cause what's left to lose, i've done enough, and if i fail well then i fail, but i gave it a shot. and these last 3 years, yeah i know they've been hard, but it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun. So keep tuning me out. liar liar liar.



	2007.12.27 00.54 you can't make a fool out of someone who is a step ahead of you. you can't play someone who doesn't care. you can't love someone who isn't real. -today's thoughts. i wonder if that hiatus between these flings i have, is when i'm at my best? i mean, are the all just petty distraction? how many of do this, let's stop lying to ourselves. why do we place value in such insignificant bullshit? we pretend now just to regret later. i have a love-hate relationship with my stubborn pride. it's a stepping stone to get what i want, and a barbed wire keeping me from what i need. do you think that there's such a thing as destiny? not only in love, but in life? are we all signed to play some certain role... is it all planned out from the beginning? i suppose there's some comfort in thinking that way, but i don't fall for it. Not for a second. I make my future. right now, i'd give anything to be walking in summer rain. it's all so refreshing, this winter air is so stale with these thoughts and dry despairing hope. goodnight.



	2007.12.24 20.58 christmas cheer. i can be such a sap for romantics. i just watched "before sunset" with Ethan Hawke, and it makes me want to be in love. it's so still outside. i love the deafening silence of winter nights. memories, memories. i'm not really into christmas this year, well.. at least the receiving part. i got my family such great gifts. They're gonna absolutely love them. and that makes me feel really, really good. My family is still recovering from this godawful divorce, but we'll get there. My life is going ok now. i'm feeling so much better about it in general. I love my dad nan and brother like there's no tomorrow. i hope everyone appreciates their family the way i do, blood is not made to be taken for granted. Today i went last minute shopping with Ruthy and her son Jayden, i carried him around all 4 hours we were in the mall, he is the most beautiful child, let me tell you. So full of love for the little minute things around him, i miss that. i was thinking last night- i've grown immensely in the past 8 months. i barely recognize myself from the person i was a year ago. i mean, my disposition hasn't changed much, but i'm not as naive, and my priorities are finally in the right order. i've achieved so much, and worked so hard. i want to become further informed, and just keep pushing on. last year around this time i made some goals, and i think i'll make some again. Longterm. -NYU in the fall or latest, spring... -Make peace with everyone i've had beef with. -Save up $2,500 for europe next year. -Learn some decent french. Shortterm. -Lose 15 pounds. -Volunteer. -Run more. -Get close with Sean & Nate again. -Read more. -Change my major to International Relations. Thought of the day: Not one single person is forgettable. Every human has so many beautiful specifics to them, their appearance, their personality, just distinguished characteristics that make them incredible and unique. I think i'm too in tune to this, it makes me see far too much good in everyone, even when they don't necessarily deserve my attention or admiration. That's all for tonight folks. Happy Holidays! Mood: nostalgic



	2007.12.23 00.30 i want to be there now!

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